


Of blood and carnations, of rock and scald

by Redlala



Series: Triangular [3]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Anakin’s choking, Anidala’s what if someone catches us kink, Bottom Anakin Skywalker, Fialleril’s Flower language, Multi, Not A Fix-It, Pegging, Praise, Top Obi-Wan Kenobi, Top Padmé Amidala, We hope it’s Obi-wan (it’s Obi-wan), and belonging kinks, not pwp more plot with flashes of porn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:42:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25226272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Redlala/pseuds/Redlala
Summary: Anakin learns Naboo’s flower language so they can exchange messages without getting caughtOrAnd you can send me dead flowers every morningSend me dead flowers by the mailSend me dead flowers to my weddingAnd I won't forget to put roses on your grave(the Rolling Stones)
Relationships: Anakin Skywalker & Ahsoka Tano, Obi-Wan Kenobi/Anakin Skywalker, Padmé Amidala & Leia Organa & Luke Skywalker, Padmé Amidala & Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker & Ahsoka Tano, Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker, Padmé Amidala/Obi-Wan Kenobi/Anakin Skywalker
Series: Triangular [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1809883
Comments: 11
Kudos: 55





	Of blood and carnations, of rock and scald

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was inspired by one-part Fialleril worldbuilding around Naboo’s Flower Language and poetry, one-part poems by Pablo Neruda, and one-part Himboskywalker’s post on pegging. Full disclosure there is a lot of sex, but this is not pwp. It also seeks to find an answer for questions like:
> 
> • After two weeks why did democracy loving Padmé decide to marry a 19-year-old murdering fascist? (Beyond Anakin being hot)  
> • How could Obianidala happen realistically in canon? (From a how did it not save the galaxy side and a logistics side- I spent way too much time on Wookieepedia trying to figure out a time they were all together off Coruscant post-knighting/pre-Rako Hardeen just go with it I’m sure it happened Clone Wars was just busy somewhere else)  
> • Wouldn’t that have made them talk? (I realize this is Star Wars and therefore a stupid question)  
> • Padmé & Anakin must have wanted to get caught at least a little right?  
> • Trauma (this is not a question so much as an acknowledgment that everyone had a lot of it starting pre-PM) 
> 
> Also, PSA Padmé did not die of a broken heart GTFOH with that nonsense canon! You can decide if it was Sidious or Anakin, but nobody lost the will to live in this fic. Trigger warning - besides everything that happens in canon there is a very brief mention of failed suicide attempts in the second paragraph of the final section. All the sex in this fic was enthusiastically consensual while also at points becoming unhealthy unrelated to the sex acts themselves. I wanted it to serve as a mirror for the state of Padmé and Anakin’s relationship.

Come with Me, I Said, And No One Knew (VII)

Come with me, I said, and no one knew  
where, or how my pain throbbed,  
no carnations or barcaroles for me,  
only a wound that love had opened.

I said it again: Come with me, as if I were dying,  
and no one saw the moon that bled in my mouth  
or the blood that rose into the silence.  
O Love, now we can forget the star that has such thorns!

That is why when I heard your voice repeat  
Come with me, it was as if you had let loose  
the grief, the love, the fury of a cork-trapped wine

the geysers flooding from deep in its vault:  
in my mouth I felt the taste of fire again,  
of blood and carnations, of rock and scald.

-Pablo Neruda 

**Camellia, white: You're Adorable**

Why did Naboo elect a child to be their leader? Padmé thinks to herself in despair as they flee the Trade Federation blockade surrounding her planet. She’s 14 years old and has no idea what to do. Why did she think she was capable of this? Her people are dying, dragged from their homes, shot dead in the street. She has abandoned them like a coward! Her handmaidens, security, and the Jedi all tell her this was the only option. The only way to save her people. So why does she feel like such a failure? Could it be any worse?

They tell her the hyperdrive was damaged in their flight from Naboo’s surface. Of course, it is and now they have to stop on some gangster infused dustbowl instead of making their way to the Senate to plead for aid. The Jedi are mad if they think she will remain on this ship and not personally oversee this mission. She has failed her people enough.

“Are you an angel?” 

Ani gives her hope back. Everyone around her tells her what can’t be done, how they can’t help her people. Not Anakin. She isn’t sure he understands the words can’t or impossible. He knows she needs help, he believes he can help her, so he does. How is it that a slave boy with nothing is the only one, while the most powerful people in the galaxy wringing their hands and turn her away?

They save Naboo. Ani once again does the impossible to help, which seems to be going around because Padawan Kenobi kills a Sith lord who isn’t supposed to exist. Ani saved her at her lowest, when she felt the most powerless. He gave her the strength to fight for and save Naboo. She will never forget it.

**Spider flower: Elope with me**

The last two weeks are a blur as they fly from one end of the galaxy to the next. So much happens from the assassination attempts, to Shmi’s death, to the War. She tries to resist Ani she really does. So many things about him, getting involved with him, should be a red flag. It’s not that she doesn’t see them. It’s just that when she looks at him, they are drowned out by the memory of a young queen who felt helpless to save her people and the young slave boy who made sure she did.

They get married on the veranda of Varykino. They have to bribe the holy man, lie about their names on the marriage license, and the only witnesses are R2 and C-3PO. Even without the lying, the marriage may still be illegal because Ani is a Jedi. It is the single most foolish thing she has ever done, and she can’t make herself care at all! Later she will miss her family, when reality sets in and she understands what it means that they can’t know, may never know. Now, with Ani’s hands in hers nothing could dim her smile. She is marrying that little boy she met on Tatooine.

They count down the days until his recovery leave is over in dread, but mostly they are drunk on new love. They spend every moment in each other’s arms, as if they could save up kisses and caresses for their impending separation. When they are not kissing, they are talking. Learning everything about the other. Her rational side would despair at getting married after two weeks to an almost stranger, 10 years is a long time to go without speaking. She can’t describe the certainty she feels when Ani looks at her. It’s as if their hearts have always known each other and they are just waiting for their brains to catch up. Well brains, and bodies.

For all the passion and love they may feel for each other, neither has much experience. He’s 19 and from a religious order no matter what he may have seen growing up. She works constantly and has her every move scrutinized for weakness in the Senate. Senator Amidala does not often engage in casual dalliances. The costs had outweighed the rewards. She may not have loads of experience, but Ani, “the Jedi can have sex Angel. There is no actual sex ban!” has had even less. 

It’s good, they can’t keep their hands off each other. It’s good, but it’s not great. Some of it she thinks is learning a new partner, a lot of it though might be nerves. They desperately want everything to be the perfect passionate love affair they have created. Not even lust on the clock can drown out the awkwardness.

She knows she made the right decision, that it will all be okay, the night before he has to leave. They spent the day swimming in the lake before it started raining. They had run inside like any one of the couples in the holofilms she will never admit to owning. She is a dignified senator and former queen. They only stop kissing long enough to lose their clothes in route to the bathroom. 

“We should warm up in the….mmmmmm….shower”

“Like in a holo Angel?”

Well if her noble Jedi protector wants to help her enact a fantasy she isn’t going to complain. He’ll push her up against the glass ……mmmmmmm….and it will have become completely steamed up except for a handprint of hers from when she loses control after they cum looking into each other’s eyes. “Oh Force……Ani….mmmm” 

Only shower sex is apparently more awkward than sex on the floor or in a bed. He’s a lot taller than her and Ani was weird when she tried bending over plus, she got water up her nose. That’s okay they’re a team and can improvise…. Anakin might be panicking.  
So, they kiss some more, and the lust is back. She moves them so she’s up against the back wall of the shower and there is a ledge that she can put a leg on. They did it! This is going to work. She wraps a hand around his cock and strokes up, tilting her head back to grin at him when she rubs a thumb over the tip  
.  
“Fuck! Angel,…..You should see yourself. Perfec….ttttt. Force. Fuck”

He had been bracketing her in before and his head falls to her shoulder while he moans. She has never been more turned on in her life. He shifts to bring a finger to her clit.

“Can I fuck you Angel? Can I sweetheart? Let me make you feel good….mmmmm”

“Yes” she says or thinks she says. She is rapidly losing coherent thought. Her hand hasn’t stopped moving up and down.

“Ready for a finger mmmmm” he moans into her mouth. 

She can’t talk but shakes he head up and down. Please. She thinks. Please I’m gonna die. He shifts from her clit to bring his finger where she needs it and..mmmmmm….

He, she, they, must slip on the water. Oh Force, she wants to die. Ouch. She landed on her shoulder funny. Ani moans and….Oh… she broke his nose. They were having their best sex yet! Everything was perfect! Now they’re naked. Bruised. And Ani’s covered in blood. She wants to burst into tears but might be in shock. They just stare at each other. Then suddenly they’re laughing. It’s ridiculous all of it. They’re married. They got married after two weeks, and now Ani has to leave in the morning to fight a WAR. They should be passionately making love not lying at the bottom of the shower covered in blood. They make eye contact and that sets them off again.

“I love you Angel.” 

Well she is pretty sure that is what he says, the broken nose is making it a little hard to understand him. They wash up, stop the blood, and end up in bed. On a nice, safe, flat surface with absolutely no water. She ends up on top because of her shoulder, like a few weeks ago in the meadow. Something about this feels better, more natural. It’s more them and more importantly they don’t need to worry about being perfect anymore. She can just be Padmé and he can be Anakin.

The next morning, they realize Ani has raccoon eyes because of his broken nose. They dissolve back into giggles and are still laughing as he boards the speeder to his ship.

**Ivy: Wedded love; Fidelity; Friendship; Affection**

They do get better at sex. A lot better. Just like how they get better at them. He likes it when she takes control. Pulls his hair. Ties him up. Rides him with a hand wrapped round his throat. He may like it, but he never touches her less than gently. Carefully. She asks him about it. Why when he is so strong, he never seeks to control or overpower her in bed, especially in bed. He gets the closed pained look he gets, which she has begun to understand means Tatooine.

“I….I don’t….It’s not me.” He looks down then, made small. She never wants to be the one that makes him small. “But I can. I can if that’s what you want Padmé.” Looking up pleadingly. Always so desperate for her love and acceptance.

No, she thinks. I wouldn’t enjoy it as much as it would hurt you. She doesn’t say that because Anakin would bare any hurt if she asked and never complain. Instead she says, “No. I like being in control. I just didn’t want you to think you had to hold back for me. I won’t break.” It’s true. It’s just not all of it. 

He touches her like she is something holy to be worshipped and whispers, “I want to drown in your cunt” into her ear. Her husband never shuts up unless you gag him.

He makes her feel free. He makes her feel safe. He makes her feel powerful.

**Fern, maidenhair: Secret bond of love**

She had first told Anakin about Naboo’s flower language before they were married. She had mentioned it off hand and thought nothing more about it. He found a book on it while they hid out at Varykino and had gotten surprisingly into it. Looking back, she isn’t sure why she was surprised, Ani’s childhood on Tatooine made him fascinated by all forms of resistance. He also enjoys the idea that Naboo’s poetry is even more subversive that its flowers.

She came home to her apartment several months later to a bouquet of flowers and Ani positively vibrating with glee. She had kissed him, but he wouldn’t let her deepen it and kept glancing to the flowers. Finally, she had lent back and told him thank you for the flowers. 

“But what do you think about them Angel?” He asked. Looking pointedly back over to the bouquet and making her feel like she was missing something.

“Umm…the color?”

“Iwroteyouapoem”

“What?”

“I said I wrote you a poem. In the flowers. It’s a secret. I was thinking someone could hack our messages no matter how careful we are, but nobody would think twice about flowers on your desk in the Senate or on a table here. I’ve been practicing Naboo’s flower language that you told me about and then thought what’s more rebellious than a poem?”

It was perfect. Her husband is perfect. He had taken her silence as disapproval instead of her brain shorting out with how much she loves him.

“It’s stupid. Listen Ang...”

“I love it! Explain it to me.” The smile came back and he did. 

Many bouquets later the poems have gotten more complex and it becomes apparent that while the flower language may be native to Naboo, Anakin is far superior at it. It is one thing to understand the meaning of a flower and something else entirely to write in them. She blames it, probably unfairly, on the Force or maybe there is just something Anakin about it all, the way he can fall into to the flowers and string them together. If she didn’t love him so much, she would hate him, the effortless way he does things. She wonders if this is how Obi-wan felt every time he mastered something new in the Force. 

The meanings themselves aren’t always obvious, as the color and number of flowers also matter. Then there is the fact that ‘flower language’ is really more flower languages with different sources saying different, sometimes conflicting things. What begins to mean the most to her is that more than a knowledge of flowers, it is her knowledge of Anakin which allows her to read the poems. Their love is the cipher that unlocks the verses the bouquets of flowers contain. She takes the poems growing complexity as a sign of their deepening love.

He sends her a verse a week arranged through her florist, which serves the double function of not over whelming her and prolonging the feeling of connection she has to him during his extended absences. The absolute best part is after weeks struggling to untangle them, he comes home and mouths the translation into her skin. Any lingering frustrations with the fact that a hydrangea can somehow mean both _heartlessness_ and _heartfelt gratitude for being understood_ slips away when he is mouthing the intended meaning into the underside of her breast.

He is home now finally after months away. Luckily, he comes back to her only slightly bruised from this most recent campaign. As usual they fall quickly into bed so she can share her guesses (closer every time) and he can provide the actual translations.

_“My words rained over you, stroking you.  
A long time I have loved the sunned mother-of-pearl of your body.  
Until I even believe that you own the universe.  
I will bring you happy flowers from the mountains, bluebells, dark hazels, and rustic baskets of kisses.  
I want to do with you what spring does with the cherry trees.” _

He has a wicked look in his eyes and laughter in his smile when he leans back and says, “Sometimes a _bluebell_ is just a _bluebell_ Angel.” They both dissolve into giggles and kisses. She is only slightly annoyed that she spent hours agonizing over how humility and mysticism fit into large quantities of kisses. This is quickly wiped away by the joy of having him back home safe in her arms.

**Violet, white: Let's take a chance on happiness**

Once a person starts being reckless, it is hard to stop Padmé discovers. She would like to say it is the desperation of war that makes her act this way, but that isn’t true, well completely true. The war certainly adds to it. The real truth is that she likes it. She has always prided herself on being perfect, dutiful, and selfless. Her relationship with Anakin is the opposite. It is every act of rebellion she has never done. She entered the legislative youth program at age 12 and that was it. This, what they’re doing, is hers, a chance to be Padmé not Amidala, maybe for the first time.

They are constantly worried about getting caught. They both hate it, this lie they are living, it taints everything around them. So why is she so turned on when they pass in public and she calls him General while he calls her Senator? She knows why but will never admit it, even to Ani, she gets off to getting away with it. What is the point of stolen kisses if they’re not stolen? Anakin likes it to, the danger. He never admits it either. 

Okay that’s a lie. Once Bail came back to quickly to her office and she had to shove Ani under her desk. Instead of being reasonable and quiet he took the opportunity to devour her with his tongue. Padmé is surprised she didn’t break the desk with how hard she was gripping it and Bail was very concerned about how flushed she was and her erratic behavior. When she finally convinced Bail to leave, she pushed back her chair to look down at her husband fully intent on killing him. Far from looking repentant on his knees, he looked up to make eye contact before sucking her juices off his fingers. Fuck him and his ability to get her wet. She makes him pay later when they are home at the apartment.

They get lazy or perhaps they have just always wanted Obi-wan to find them. 

They’re in the hull of the ship between some supply crates. Ani has her braced up against a wall with her skirts pushed up and her legs locked around his waist. She rolls her hips to meet his thrusts while he grunts adulations and filth into her ear.

“Force Angel your cunt is exquisite. Jee panwa chubba waffmula che lickmoomoo. Just like that. Soooo….mmmm…. perfect.”

Crash “Anakin! Padmé! Oh..excuse me” She can see Obi-wan standing there frozen with a weird look on his face over Ani’s shoulder. 

Ani’s horrified, and chokes out a desperate, “Master!” But his terror at being caught can’t mask the way he moves his hips at the word or the way he grows harder inside of her. And oh, she thinks, ohhhhh. Maybe there was always something there or maybe this is new, but now that she knows she wants it too. Obi-wan has always been there, an unspoken hole in their marriage. She might be Anakin’s heart but Obi-wan is his soul. Yes, she decides looking at them, they all three of them, need this.

“Master Jedi how good of you to join us.” She says while Ani chokes. “Ani is showing me how aggressive negotiations are used in service to the Senate.” Ani’s brain seems to have finally caught up to what is happening, and he tries to move away. She doesn’t let him.

“Angel! Master I…mmmmmm” She grinds down hard on his cock and rolls her hips to shut him up. They are so close to being complete, she won’t let Ani wreck it out of some misplaced sense of guilt or loyalty. 

There is a dangerous look on Obi-wan’s face now. Something predatory. This must be the face his enemies see. She sees the edge of lust as well and knows she did not miscalculate. Obi-wan is their missing piece; she just has to get him to join them. She reaches an arm out from its place on Ani’s shoulder. 

“Won’t you join us General? I would hate to find out Ani misunderstood your teachings.” 

Ani appears to be hyperventilating though she is unsure if it is from panic or desire. Obi wan doesn’t move for a moment. She thinks he might not move at all, give in, if they hadn’t spent the last few days getting blown up and shot at, but they did, and he does. He is prowling towards them now. And yessssss. Yes.

He has a hand on Ani’s hip now and the other comes up to wrap around Anakin’s throat tilting it back so he can look Ani in the eyes. “Is that right my former padawan? Are you being good?”

“Yes Master! I’m being good. Please Master.” 

Obi-wan shifts his gaze from Ani to her and the look in his eyes makes her clinch down harder on Anakin. Ani makes a strangled sound. Keeping his eyes locked on hers Obi-wan slides his hand from Ani’s waist up the back of her thigh.

“Has he been good Senator?” Obi-wan’s voice is mild filled with danger and honey. “A Jedi’s purpose is to serve, but…” His hand has moved from Ani’s throat to his hair tightening and making Ani lose control of his hips. “… sometimes Anakin needs to be reminded.”

“And how do you remind him Master Jedi?”

A dark chuckle now, “Shall I show you? Shall I show you what a good boy he can be?”

The utterance of good boy is enough to send Ani over the edge while the promise in Obi-wan's eyes has her following. They end up tangled together thoroughly spent in Obi-wan’s cabin. Because Obi-wan can be responsible about being irresponsible and made them move. Of course, the fact that there’s a war going on hasn’t changed and they are quickly pulled away from their little bubble. 

When they’re back in her apartment on Coruscant Ani looks at her nervous but hopeful and says, “I think we should tell Obi-wan about us, our marriage. Angel I love you but…”

“I know you love me Ani. I never doubted it. I agree with you. We should tell Obi-wan.”

**Carnation, red: Alas for my poor heart, my heart aches**

They put it off too long. There was never going to be a perfect moment to talk to Obi-wan with the war going on. They all keep getting separated and sent to different ends of the galaxy. She doesn’t push it because they are both so nervous, Obi-wan is their missing piece. Telling him about their marriage, their relationship will lance the infection created by their secrets. They are so, so, close to having everything they wanted. Needed. Fear makes them dither and then the mess with Obi-wan’s deception as Rako Hardeen happens.

“How could he do this? Why did he do this” Ani looks up at her from where his head is pillowed in her lap, tears streaming down his face. He always looks to her as if she has all the answers, but she never seems to have the ones he needs. She runs her fingers through his hair.

“I don’t know.”

He had been in a rage before, betrayal running hot. That faded quickly to the hurt underneath because he has been forced to accept Obi-wan made the decision not to tell him about faking his death, not the Council. She thinks it is probably worse that they initially wanted to tell Anakin. Obi-wan knows Anakin loves him, knows that his death would break Ani’s heart, he knew Anakin was never enough of a proper Jedi to hide his reaction. His logic was sound from a completely rational standpoint and she is sure he believed everything would be understood once it was over and he had the chance to explain. Upset mended by the fact that he was alive.

How could he be so stupid?! So cruel. So oblivious to who Anakin is as a person. To who she is as a person. Just because he isn’t dead doesn’t change the fact that they attended his funeral! That they mourned! 

Anakin has stopped crying and sits up. He looks calm and that is far more terrifying and foreboding than either his rage or tears. She knows how to handle an emotional Anakin. Obi-wan knows how to manage him. Sith hells, the Council seems to count on this behavior even as they disapprove. But none of them really understand or know how to adequately counter a rational Anakin. 

Everyone always talks about how out of control he is, how over the top. They all conveniently forget the years he spent on Tatooine where control over his face, emotions, reactions could have meant the difference between life and death. Everyone talks about how transparent he is. How he can’t lie to save his life. This was part of Obi-wan’s reasoning for not telling him his death was faked, the need for a genuine reaction. 

What scares Padmé, looking at her husband’s set face, is the idea that they’re wrong. That they have all gravely miscalculated. What if it’s an act? What secrets are hiding under Anakin’s histrionics? She knows her husband. She is being ridiculous. But she can’t help remembering how his eyes burned the first time he mouthed the translation of a poem into her hip, while two fingers pumped slowly in and out of her. 

_“I crave your mouth, your voice, your hair  
Silent and starving, I prowl through the streets  
Bread does not nourish me, dawn disrupts me, all day  
I hunt for the liquid measure of your steps.” _

She had been lost in lust, in his voice. “Ani…Oh Force, Ani…I’m not going to remember if you keep doing that…Oh fuckkkkk…Ani you’re going to have to write it down.” He had stopped abruptly. The look in his eyes grown somehow more intense and told her that he spelled the words into her skin because they were hers and hers alone.

“All the most important things are secret, Angel.” 

He had then gone back to translating and she had quickly become consumed by the sensation of his tongue and fingers. After this, she had continued to write down her attempts to translate the bouquets but always destroyed them after he came home and spoke their secrets. She never records the final version of any poem Ani sends her. They are hers and no one else’s. 

She is pulled from the memory when she feels his lips on her temple. He withdraws to smile at her. Why is she so frightened? 

“I’ve been a fool, Angel. A fool who would not listen to the most basic lessons no matter how often they were repeated. You needn’t worry sweetheart.” He must have read and misunderstood the anxiety in her face. “I understand now. It was stupid to think of telling Obi-wan. He is a Jedi. Your career would be needlessly endangered. I wouldn’t be able to protect the Republic, Ahsoka, or Obi-wan. Our marriage is ours and will stay that way.”

No. She thinks. No, no, no, no! But she doesn’t say anything because she too, is angry and upset with Obi-wan. She isn’t sure Ani’s wrong either. It doesn’t stop the dread though, from pooling in her stomach. 

“I should get back to the temple before someone wonders where I am. I love you.” 

She is left bereft. 

(Later when she lays dying on the table she wonders if this was the moment that broke them all beyond repair. Not just Obi-wan’s actions, but that none of them did anything to fix it.)

**Sweet Pea: Good-bye; Departure; Blissful pleasure; Thank you for a lovely time**

While she and Anakin converse in petals, she and Obi-wan learn to speak in bruises. Once this might have horrified her. That idealistic young queen or fearless senator. Now she is a woman of war. The three of them have not found their way back together. She & Anakin and Anakin & Obi-wan clutch each other too tightly and pray for the storm to pass. What hope they had of a short ending to this war is long buried. Everything gets worse by the day and she is so afraid that if she blinks everything she loves will be ripped away.

Every time she watches her husband leave; she thinks to Obi-wan take care of him for us. She imagines this is what Obi-wan feels when they return to Coruscant. A bizarre joint custody they worked out to protect what they love but cannot bare to speak about. Or maybe Obi-wan just wishes she were gone and out of Anakin’s life. She doesn’t know. They didn’t talk and now their silences have gagged them. All she has to go on are the bruises they leave on Anakin’s skin. She knows her husband doesn’t mind getting rough as long as he is the one being manhandled. That didn’t stop her from feeling horrified one morning after he came back from the front and she saw in her desperation for him to be back, to be hers, Anakin’s torso had become a tapestry of bite-marks, hickeys, and nail scratches.

“I’m so, so, sorry!” She had gasped nearly in tears. He had been beat up by the war and now she had done this to him. They may have gotten rough before, but nothing like this.

He just smiled that big little boy smile at her and said, “Don’t be. I like knowing I’m yours. I like knowing this is real. I watch them fade and I’m always sad they’re gone.”

What kind of world are they living in that she understands, that she agrees? How is the only proof of their relationship what marks are on his skin? She can’t bring herself to care anymore.

Obi-wan appears to feel the same way they do. She unwraps his tunics to read the messages Obi-wan has left her. We’re Alive. Anakin almost got blown up. The blast was meant for me. I can’t bare it if you die. Please don’t go. Don’t ever leave me. 

She covers the indentations Obi-wan left on her husband’s hip with her own fingers. His hands are larger than hers and so her fingers are outlined in purple. Ani’s trembling beneath her but she must be lost in thought because he’s looking back at her now. 

“Angel?”

She smiles and kisses him between his shoulder blades before thrusting in. He gasps sounding reverent and debouched all at once. The way only Ani seems to manage. It’s almost like they’re all here together. It’s almost enough. If she closes her eyes, she can hear Obi-wan say, ‘Good boy,’ behind her ear. 

“I love you.” He says as she begins to move slowly in and out of him.

“I love you too.” 

He loses control quickly after that. All moans and filthy huttese phrases. 

She remembers the first time they did this. How nervous and ashamed he was, but desperate. Ani is always desperate. 

“I just want to let go. I feel so empty. Please Padmé.” 

She was scared too. Scared to hurt him. Scared it wouldn’t be what he wanted, needed. Scared he just wanted Obi-wan and would settle for her. Scared she’d like it. But he asked, and so she could be brave. Anakin always tries to take care of everyone. It’s why she likes taking care of him. That does it for her more than anything. 

That the most powerful being in the galaxy is reduced to a mess of incoherent need beneath her also gets her wet. It’s intoxicating. How could it not be?

She doesn’t worry about Obi-wan anymore, or rather she doesn’t worry about him replacing her in Anakin’s affections. She had eventually asked Ani about it and at first, he couldn’t understand, and then he had laughed. She had been furious, embarrassed, and already ashamed for needing to ask in the first place. For doubting them.

“Padmé, Angel, Sweetheart. I’m sorry.” The jerk had then broken-down laughing again. “I know your not Obi-wan. I love you because you’re you. I want you because you’re you.” More laughing. “As if I could ever stop wanting you.”

It was that last part, said as if it was some basic fundamental truth of the universe, which made her decide not to murder him. The idea of not wanting her, as her, was so foreign to him that it was laughable.

“I’m sorry, Angel. I didn’t mean to laugh at you. Let me make it up to you.”

And yes, his mouth always had better uses than talking. That he was still laughing wasn’t as bad when it was up against her clit. Her husband is excellent at apologizing. She likes the sex they have while laughing best.

Now though, now they have done this many times, and neither one of them harbor any feelings of embarrassment or shame, only pleasure. They love each other, love making the other person happy. What started as a way of meeting Ani’s needs is now something for both of them. They are teetering on the edge of ruin so she will fuck her husband with the strap on he asked her to buy and will revel in it. She just wishes Obi-wan were here to watch. He’d have looked lovely tied to her armchair. One day, she thinks as she kisses the bitemark he left on Ani’s shoulder blade before thrusting back in.

**Monkshood: Beware; A deadly foe is near**

Their uneasy and unspoken truce/separation (she does not know what to call it and can’t ask) is made permanent by the loss of Ahsoka. When she leaves the Order, Padmé knows there is no hope for a true reconciliation with Obi-wan without Ahsoka safe in Anakin’s arms. He may have called her padawan, jokingly on occasion mentioned a reckless little sister, but she is also daughter. Her absence is a wound in Anakin neither she nor Obi-wan can fill.

She loves Ahsoka. She loves her for herself and also the person Anakin becomes around her. This war has taken so much from them and twisted them all beyond recognition, none more so than Anakin. When he is with Ahsoka she sees the man he can be, not unbroken, but put back together in a way that is stronger and more complete. There is a patience and gentleness in Ani when he is around Ahsoka that makes her hope all they have lost hasn’t been for nothing. (It is the memory of Anakin with Ashoka that gives her the courage to keep the baby when she finds out she is pregnant, and Anakin is worlds away.) 

She understands Ashoka’s reasons for leaving, just as she knows that Obi-wan did everything he could for Ahsoka. She realizes that just because he is on the Council doesn’t mean he has enough power to make them always decide the way he wants them to. Anakin does not understand this. She has come to realize that she and Obi-wan are not fully people to Anakin. They are perfect, the ultimate authority, and so any failure on their part must be intentional. To Anakin Ashoka is not here because of the Council, specifically Obi-wan thought she was worth abandoning. He never says any of this but while he silently seethes at Obi-wan she wonders to herself what things do you hate me for? Your mother? Ahsoka as well? I served as her lawyer but would have been unable to save her. 

She hates the pedestal he puts her on. She doesn’t want to be a goddess he worships; she wants to be his wife. They are going to talk like they used to. Resolute she opens the door to the bathroom Ani has been hiding in for the past 45 minutes. He is submerged in the water of the bathtub. When he doesn’t surface, she becomes alarmed and rushes over to grab his arm. He reacts abruptly dragging her into the tub astride him. The water is cold she thinks stupidly.

“Angel?” He looks delightfully confused as one hand comes to rest on her hip and another comes to cup his face. Her hands come up to rest on his shoulders. “I’ve gotten you all wet.”

This can’t go on. She is half convinced he was just trying to drown himself. “Talk to me.” She pleads.

“Do you want me to confess? Will I be forgiven?” There is something off about his voice. He strokes her cheek with his thumb as he cradles her face in his hand. She can feel him hard on her inner thigh. He’s always hard for her.

“Confess? Forgiven? Ani what are you talking about?”

“Ashoka and I went to a planet once, I don’t remember which, where people told a priest all the bad things they’d done or thought. All the ways they failed. Afterwards the priest would absolve them. It’s a nice idea don’t you think, Angel? Forgiveness. So, shall I confess?”

She does not want to be his priest either. She is not here to sit in judgement. They are supposed to be a team. She thinks of the sand people he killed in retribution for his mother. How she had brushed aside her morals because of his pain and her guilt. No, she is not fit to be anyone’s judge. She is silent too long. His hand travels down her neck to splay lightly on her collarbone, a feather light press of his thumb on her neck.

“No, there will be no forgiveness and I’ve already defiled you enough.”

She’s losing him. Just talk to me she thinks. Just talk to me and we can fix this. Whatever part of us is broken we can fix it, but you have to talk to me. She can’t get the words out. Instead she resorts to sex the way she, Ani, and Obi-wan always seem to these days. As if they can get physically close enough to squash the emotional distance. Is this how Ani felt when he told her he was empty?

She lines up his cock and sinks down taking him as deep inside as possible. The white skirts of her nightgown float in the water around them. He groans as she begins to roll her hips and slide up and down on him. She looks up and freezes. For a moment his eyes aren’t the blue she loves, they’re completely black. Black like the sky and filled with stars. She stares into his eyes and thinks of a bird frozen before a snake. They are motionless looking at each other, which of them is the bird and which is the snake?

Hysterically she thinks of one of Ani’s definitions. _“Tonic Immobility- the unlearned adoption of a motionless posture by a prey individual triggered by physical contact or very close proximity of – not injury inflicted by – a predator (or other antagonist).”_ The explanation from the book he found it in said the reflex served as a body’s last resort when there was no hope of escape or ability to fight. Is he the stars or the void they reside in? Bird or Snake? This isn’t her husband. Who is her husband? Where is Ani? 

He smiles and brings a second hand to her waist helping her move. His eyes are blue, of course they’re blue. She buries her face in his neck, so she doesn’t have to look at him. Everything is fine. It’s fine, except for when it’s not.

Her husband is capable of violence, but he would never hurt her. She will admit to sometime being frightened of what he is capable of, but she has never been frightened of Ani.

**Daffodil: New beginnings; Re-birth; Hope**

Anakin is gone for months and all the while her stomach swells. She changes her dresses and hopes no one notices. She waits and prays and waits some more. Through force of will alone she continues like she always has, fights, challenges, never gives up. She will make the Republic live up to what it can be because otherwise all this suffering has been pointless. She finds it harder to be afraid of Separatists when she is growing another human inside of her. All that responsibility and only her handmaidens to talk to. Where is Anakin? What are they going to do? She is so frightened she can hardly breathe but can’t stop smiling. They’re having a baby.

“This is a happy moment, the happiest moment of my life.” The anxiety of the last few months melts away in his arms. 

They have one day. One perfect day. Ani’s home, and they can see the end of the war. She thinks of the future for the first time since everything began, instead of clinging desperately to the moment. He and Obi-wan will find the Sith master. Ani will leave the Order and they can raise their baby on Naboo. She can tell her family she’s married. They will finally be able to be open with Obi-wan. He will be hurt they hadn’t told him but eventually will understand. They will make him understand. Ani’s right their baby is a blessing. 

“It’s a boy with eyes like his father.”

“Don’t be silly Angel! Our baby’s a girl. I hope she has your curls.”

“And how do you know that master Jedi?”

“The Force, Senator. I’m sorry to disappoint you.”

“You’re the one who’s going to be disappointed Ani. The Force must be broken or useless compared to a mother’s intuition.” They’re both giggling as he sweeps her up and carries her to bed. 

She is awakened to the sound of Anakin getting out of bed after a nightmare. She doesn’t know it then, but it is the sound of their world ending.

**Wallflower: Faithfulness in adversity**

The Temple is burning, and she is paralyzed. Anakin is safe so why doesn’t she feel better? Anakin disappears again. The Jedi are traitors. Palpatine is Emperor. How could this happen?

Obi-wan is here. It’s okay. It’s going to be okay. Obi-wan will help Anakin. Obi-wan will know what to do. Oh Force, what is he saying? How could he talk like that about Anakin? What is he going to do to Anakin?!

“You love him, don’t you?” 

Obi-wan doesn’t answer. He leaves. She panics. 

This is the truth Anakin killed children. A piece of her always knew he was capable of it. The truth doesn’t matter, can’t matter. The Republic is gone. Her life’s work is gone. Anakin is alive. Their child is alive. It’s enough. It has to be. (It’s not.)

Anakin has never touched her less than gently. This is still true when he finally breaks and brings all her worst fears to life. He uses the Force not his fingers when he strangles her. It would be enough to make her laugh, but she doesn’t have the oxygen.

**Cyclamen: Resignation and good-bye**

Luke. Leia. Her body is shutting down. She speaks then because what harm can the truth do now? Everything is destroyed. She has to use words because all the flowers are dead, and the only bruises are the ones around her throat. Someone must watch over her children. Obi-wan is all that is left to fight for their family.

“Obi-Wan... there... is good in him. I know there is... still...”

Anakin will always be that little boy she met on Tatooine.

**Rose, dark crimson: Mourning**

When he was learning Naboo’s flower language he also learned about their funeral traditions. A blanket of flowers is woven by those closest to the deceased to cover the casket or tomb. A eulogy or final declaration of love to shelter them as they pass on. As Naboo’s flower language became archaic, these flower coverings remained, although tended to consist of the few morning flowers like the dark crimson rose that were still widely known.

He does not attend her funeral. He is still recovering from the injuries Obi-wan gave him on Mustafar. He watches the footage over and over committing every detail of his monstrous failure to memory. Sidious at first revels in his self-flagellation, but this shifts to exasperation by his third suicide attempt. He cannot live without her. Why does no one understand this? 

Sidious does not have time for his apprentice to fall apart, he has an empire to run. So, he orders the systematic removal of Padmé Amidala from the holonet. Within the first year of the Empire it is as if she disappeared completely outside of Naboo. Sidious also orders the removal and destruction of all information on Obi-wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker.

Four years after he kills her, Vader is on Naboo. For all that he has no right to intrude upon her rest, he cannot stay away. He weaves her eulogy, their eulogy, in the flowers. There will be no frenzied reunion. He will never mouth the translation into the skin of her inner thigh again. That’s alright. Vader is leaving Anakin with Padmé and their child. The three of them can rest together in the ground of the place she loved best. This is not a love poem. A Song of Despair is all that remains.

_Oh flesh, my own flesh, woman whom I loved and lost,  
I summon you in the moist hour, I raise my song to you._

_Like a jar you housed infinite tenderness.  
and the infinite oblivion shattered you like a jar._

_There was the black solitude of the islands,  
and there, woman of love, your arms took me in._

_There was thirst and hunger, and you were the fruit.  
There were grief and ruins, and you were the miracle._

_Ah woman, I do not know how you could contain me  
in the earth of your soul, in the cross of your arms!_

_How terrible and brief my desire was to you!  
How difficult and drunken, how tensed and avid._

_Cemetery of kisses, there is still fire in your tombs,  
still the fruited boughs burn, pecked at by birds._

_Oh the bitten mouth, oh the kissed limbs,  
oh the hungering teeth, oh the entwined bodies._

_Oh the mad coupling of hope and force  
in which we merged and despaired._

_And the tenderness, light as water and as flour.  
And the word scarcely begun on the lips._

_This was my destiny and in it was my voyage of my longing,  
and in it my longing fell, in you everything sank! _

**Rainflower: I love you back, I must atone for my sins, I will never forget you**

**Author's Note:**

> The poem from the Fern section is the last verse from ‘Every Day You Play’. The poem from the Carnation section is a verse from ‘Love Sonnet XI’. ‘A Song of Despair’ is the name of the poem the verses come from in the Rose section. It is long so I did not include the whole thing. Definition for tonic immobility comes from a paper by Rosalind Humphreys and Graeme Ruxton.
> 
> I also haven’t written smut before, so kind suggestions and constructive feedback are welcome, but please be kind I was very self-conscious about it. 
> 
> If people are wondering this fic occurred at the same time as a 'Vocabulary of Silence' and directly preceded 'Conversations with Dead People.'
> 
> Please leave a comment or kudos if you enjoyed.


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